How to Write More Goodly

I took this list off of several websites (you can find many of them scattered about the internet).  They weren’t all identical, however.  I have consolidated these lists into one and I am actively searching for more of these ironical statements of improving ones writing. I find it both educational and humorous.  Enjoy…

“Let’s Hang Out as Friends Before We Consider Romance”

I have consolidated a list of three possible reasons women say this line to a man who asks her out on a date.

The Dilemmas of the Job

I work in a restaurant. I wont say which or where.  I hate hypocrisy. I hate double standards. I hate capitalist agendas and bureaucracy.  I hate the fakeness of “going through the motions.”  Over the past several months I have observed, and been told by management, how to be and what to do, and generally policed over by contradictory rules and forced into zero-option scenarios, where the only way out is guaranteed to be a wrong way.

Friendliness, Intimacy, Charm, and Creepiness

I have a friend… more of an acquaintance… who recently moved a couple hours away for university. She posted on her Facebook status how a guy sitting next to her in class was “creepy”. Apparently he was “violating her bubble” in his endeavor to be friendly.

I responded to her criticisms of him with this…

Voting Paradox – Majority Out of Three

Is a majority vote out of three still a majority vote out of three if the first two votes are voiced and heard by all before the third vote is even cast?

“If I Was a Betting Man…”

I have heard this expression before, many times.  I have even used it once or twice. But after a few minutes of thought, I realized how absurd the expression is.  That is, from a logical and rhetorical perspective.  I realized it today and laughed out loud at the thought of what the expression really means, and the mentality of those who think/thought it makes sense (myself included).

Switching the Track

Imagine you are at the train track switch. Down the main track there are ten kids playing on the track. Down the second unused track there is only one. A train comes, the track is aligned toward the ten kids. Do you switch the track and sacrifice the one?

Most people would answer yes, switch the track.  Not to sound callous, but I’m here to tell you how wrong that is.