My personal beliefs about bisexuality and homosexuality aside, my criticisms of the two aside, I do have a legitimate and practical reason to reject bisexual women in the face of an otherwise possible romantic relationship.
Its has been my observation, for one, that a lot of women, to say nothing of bisexual women, hold a double-standard to the appropriateness of such tendencies. A lot of women that I have met, bisexuals included, find that male bisexuality is a turn off for them, that somehow male-on-male actions is inherently more “dirty” than female-on-female action. I find that unjustifiable and hypocritical. Though I am not bisexual, I do not appreciate the company of a woman who permits it in herself and her friends, but not in me.
The idea is that “if I like women, I should have a right to” but “if my man likes men, he isn’t manly enough for me.” That is where the double-standard comes into play. A man can’t very well lay claims to a woman’s lack of femininity for indulging in other women. Or assert that his interest in other men makes him less masculine. Or can he?
I for one do believe that bi men are less than perfectly masculine. But how many men in this society are the rugged, brutish stereotype of cave-manliness? Hardly none. And I feel the same about women – a woman who likes being with women are not exhibiting strict feminine qualities, but they are exhibiting stereotypically male tendencies. A bi woman is not womanly enough for me.
I also find women offensive who assume, prejudicially, that men like and appreciate female bisexuality. That this is a turn on for all men. I find that stereotype insulting. I am both a heterosexual man and a man who finds bisexual encounters to be a sexual turn off. That’s right – a turn off. Of all the things I may love or hate about a particular woman, bisexuality is one trait that I can avoid, its one problem that is easy to factor out.
What turns me off even more, I might add, are the circumstances and rationales of the females in question. I don’t take kindly to being held to a stereotype any more than I take kindly to being held to a double-standard. Such irrational attitudes from women turn me off all the more than bisexuality by itself does.
I had a female friend who was bisexual. She insisted on reserving the right in any relationship to have bisexual encounters with any woman she wanted any time she wanted, without having to divulge her actions and lifestyle to her boyfriend. Her rationale, and just a rationale, was “I’m bi, you’re not, lesbian sex is clean, gay sex is dirty.” All the while, she insisted that her boyfriend not have the same privilege as her – as gay sex is dirty and heterosexual sex with other women was just plain-old-fashioned infidelity. Somehow, though, her lesbian nights didn’t constitute infidelity, don’t ask me how. She had it all rationalized, but failed to see the infidelity, lack of commitment potential, hypocrisies and double-standards that she was guilty of.
That story leads me into one of the main reasons I won’t date a bisexual. This may offend some, but like my female friend, I have met few bisexual women who were interested or even capable of a monogomous relationship and held family values and a desire for eventual marriage in their own life. You just never see it. I know its a bit of a stereotype and a quick judgment – I may meet the atypical bisexual someday.
But how many women are willing to give up their bisexuality for a heterosexual monogomous relationship? Seriously? Is it even appropriate for me to ask them to? I think it is and should be, if I’m to be true to myself and my own wants in a relationship.
And that is what it ultimately comes down to – the fact that she would be giving up that side of her sexuality. Call me self-conscious if you want, or call me a respectful human being concerned for anothers happiness, I don’t care. But at the end of the day, she will not be completely sexually satisfied. Thats right, I wont be able to satisfy her completely. It is apparent to me that there is a side to a bisexual woman, a side to her sexuality, that needs to have that impulse satisfied. I, as a man, am incapable of satisfying it.
So, am I to be selfish and ask a woman to commit to me, knowing full well she will eventually need something sexual from outside of the monogomy, something I cannot provide? Am I to expect a woman to live with me miserably or otherwise unfulfilled sexually? Im a proud man, and I wouldnt want that for myself, I wouldnt want my woman to be left sexually ungratified – whether she were bisexual or heterosexual. Im a caring, loving individual enough to understand that need to have that impulse satisfied.
Can bisexual women live happy, sexually gratified lives in a monogomous heterosexual relationship? I’m told that they can. In fact most bisexuals insist on it. But I have yet to see such a relationship work. My female friend was one of the worst examples of failure of a self-righteous bisexual lifestyle rationalized.
That is why I wont… why I can’t… for the sake of my own happiness and the nature and future of any committed relationship that I may have… why I wont accept a bisexual as a girlfriend.