Bisexuality That Really Isn’t


I believe that there is another type of bisexual. Actually, not really a bisexual at all. In fact, let me backtrack… I wish to criticize the notion that all women are a ‘little’ bi.  I am referring to an article by a fellow blogger titled Bisexuals on Parade (posted one year ago today) in which the author argued that several different types of bisexual women existed, and also argued that all women are a little bit bi.  I wish to argue that there is yet another unmentioned type of bisexual which undermines the notion that all women are a little bi, as it is more of a criticism of societies impressionableness and how easily confused one can be made.

I, as a man, can admit to the fact that when I look at other men I can assess them sexually. Consider it instinctual competitiveness if you wish, but we all judge one another. I judge and assess other men for their sexual attractiveness. I have a sense (be it correct or incorrect) of what women want and of what women appreciate. And I compare myself, as many women do compare themselves.

This is what I think much of female bisexuality is. Yes, women can look at, even ‘check out’ other women. Comparing sex appeal. I don’t think this makes them bisexual. But then again, I don’t honestly believe that the ‘attraction’ is there. I considered using the term ‘platonic sexual interest’. A sexual interest, a curiosity… but not an actual desire to “be sexual with”.

It is not far from the male curiosity to know whether or not a woman likes this guy or that guy, whether or not he does well for her – we call that trying to keep on our game.  We care about the male sexuality (some of us do) only to assess our position and worth heterosexually with women. But what it boils down to is that very same sexual curiosity about men. Though the “I want to have sex with you” component doesn’t exist.  Is this really bisexual?  According to some women who consider themselves bisexual though they don’t have an inklings desire to be bisexual, it is.

I don’t think it’s bisexual to be concerned about and obsessed with same-genders-sexuality – it’s just one tool for keeping up with the heterosexual trend, beating out the competition. The only variable to consider when questioning sexuality is ‘which gender do I want to be with’.  I, and those men like me who show ‘interest’, so to speak, in other men’s sexual worth, are doing it for the women and not for the men. This is exactly what women do when they compare themselves to other women – and then claim to be confused about their sexuality for it. It makes no real sense.

I think a lot of young women don’t understand this about their own psyche. For any number of the social reasons, including media and male pressure, I think women accidentally confuse inherent sexual competitiveness and intellectual comparative-ness with actual bisexuality. Not surprisingly, a lot of women who claim to be bisexual (or bi-curious) also admit that they would never actually do anything sexual with another woman.

I think that plenty of women, particularly the ones that don’t consider themselves ‘bisexual’, are merely capable of discerning between having an appreciation for another woman’s sex-appeal and being sexually attracted to her.  Between “wanting to be like” and “wanting to be with”. These women embrace their own femininity and understand what it takes to appease men.  I may be wrong about this, but in my experience the most uppity, confident and femininely sexual of women were not bisexual.

The sociological reason for being this way is simply sexual competitiveness.  We assess one another in order to get a sense of ourselves, and a sense of where we stand with the opposite gender.  We compare ourselves to know how outstanding the competition is and how much harder we need to work to stay ahead.  There is a very (hetero-)sexual and very evolutionary-driven reason behind this apparent bisexuality.

And, for the record, I am a straight heterosexual man who finds bisexuality in women a turn off. I don’t consider it sexually attractive or ‘naturally feminine’. I am rather repulsed by it, in fact (not that I judge genuine bisexuals for being as such, but I just don’t want it in my world).

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