Friendliness, Intimacy, Charm, and Creepiness


I have a friend… more of an acquaintance… who recently moved a couple hours away for university. She posted on her Facebook status how a guy sitting next to her in class was “creepy”. Apparently he was “violating her bubble” in his endeavor to be friendly.

I responded to her criticisms of him with this…


Why should one persons openness and friendliness make you feel threatened? No offense, but its an indicator of everyone elses fakeness to feel that way. Instead of criticizing him for being more friendly than you expect, more friendly than youre used to, more friendly than you are, and generally more friendly than everyone else is... instead, criticize everyone else for not being as friendly as him, for being more closed.

Would you like this guy any more if he was a jerk instead? Either you want to know a friendly person who obviously wants to know you... or you want to know an ass. I guess that is your call. And done say there is "middle ground" because there isn't. A person who is in the middle is a person who doesn't actually do anything. If he is neither offensive nor friendly then the two of you wont ever get to know one another. He is being proactive and assertive, as all men inevitably must be in regards to women.

People in our society are so afraid to be open and friendly and genuine. Is it that you don't know how to reciprocate? Are you made awkward on account of his being so atypical? Other people are fake, closed, afraid to open up.

He is who he is, like it or hate it, no one has the right to judge him... most especially for being friendly, of all things.

If experience has taught me anything its that: whether or not someone perceives you as creepy or charming depends entirely on whether or not they have first thought you attractive, i.e. their vested interests. If you have previously chosen to like them, their advances are "charming"; and if you previously found them unattractive then their same exact advances are perceived as creepy. And the only difference in most all cases is not what they do or how they do it, but rather whether or not you found them attractive or not, first. That's a social double standard on the part of the person who is receiving the affection.

I'm inclined to believe women only want to befriend those men they see as sexual prospects.

I don't know which is the case, I'm not there. Just make sure you aren't being biased and/or prejudiced on account of your own wants and interests in relation to him. He might just make you a good friend after all. The least you could do is get to know him personally before you judge. I for one don't find other peoples wants for intimacy insulting. I, in fact, wish people were more open with me.

That's my rant for now. This reply wasn't meant to be offensive, just insightful. Hope it helped. I learned this in an Interpersonal Relationships class, by the way.

That’s what I wrote her. And that is exactly how I perceive people in our society, that’s how I perceive women in our society – Superficial social hypocrites who pick and choose which men, based on sex appeal, have decent personalities. They distinguish creepiness and charm only on a subconscious level using physical attributes as the sole criteria.

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